Sexual Identity Idenifiers

With sexual pronouns abounding, it’s hard to keep up with new and changing sexual identity groups. Perhaps a better approach would be punctuation marks. Everyone could choose whether they were visibly a colon (:) or a semi-colon (;). The dot on top is the anus and the dot or comma at bottom is a vagina or a penis. This general identifier could be tailor-made with people choosing whether they were a top or a bottom by changing the size of their anus relative to the size of the dot or comma. Moreover, those who are dominant or submissive would put an apostrophe before or after their punctuation mark accordingly. Those who are into a weird public appearance would put a quote sign before their punctuation mark. Those who are weird in their secret lives would have the quote sign behind the punctuation mark. Those who are weird every which way and need lots of attention would have quotation sign front and back. And, finally, those who don’t know who they are would have the quotes but nothing between them.

Of course, other modifiers (exclamation points, asterisks ampersands and currency symbols, etc.) can create additional sexual identity groups. However, the number of groups and the descriptions/meanings of their identities could make things complicated. This complexity could be addressed by having everyone enroll in re-education camps which would in turn help swell the ranks of teachers whose union dues would allow increased spending by union bosses.

Clearly, many would benefit from the adoption of a punctuation-based sexual identity system; but for the average citizen who would ultimately pay its cost through higher grocery bills. Yet, costs could be reduced by fines on those who can’t wean themselves off addressing those implementing the system as “fucking assholes” or “fucking pricks.” If fines are not a sufficient deterrent for people so expressing themselves, prison time would be justified. That would create additional court/prison jobs and related benefits for the political class.