Give And Take, Take It Or Leave It

Personal, commercial and social relationships can be characterized as “give and take” or “take it or leave it.”

In a give and take relationship, each party views the other as a package with positive and negative characteristics, needs and behaviors. To have a viable relationship with minimal conflicts, each party represses certain aspects of themselves or does things they would otherwise not do to please the other. Mostly give and take is done implicitly but sometimes there is an explicit accounting: “I did this for you, what have you done for me lately.” Give and take relationships are more of a job than a joy. Most commercial relationships are a give and take; otherwise, people wouldn’t need to be paid to work.

For example, in a personal relationship one party may desire to have sexual relations with others outside the relationship. However, their relationship mate might find that unacceptable. Thus, for the sake of limiting conflict in the relationship, the one who desires sex with others refrains from doing so.

In a take it or leave it personal relationship, each party loves the other and their relationship and accepts the other as they are. Each party does not necessarily view the other as perfect. Moreover, they don’t perceive the other in terms of their individual positive and negative features. They accept each other as a package deal, as the totality of who they are outweighs any aspects that might otherwise be problematic. This allows each party the freedom to be themselves. This is love; all is perfect, including each other’s shit.

While give and take might seem like a good operating system for two agreeable people, take it or leave relationships are founded on love which better braves time.