VAT: Take it or leave it

Many years ago I was in a relationship with a girl who one day informed me that I wasn’t good in bed. To that I said, “Ok, what else is on your mind?” She then asked “Don’t you want to know how you can improve?” I said, “Not really; I’m good with things as they are. If I’m to make it better for you, it may not be as good for me. My performance in bed seems good enough for you that we’re still together, so why change.”(1)

Her suggestion that we could improve our relationship was reasonable enough, a good relationship is presumably based on give and take. My response seemed selfish, essentially: I am who I am, take it or leave it.

However, the foundation of a good relationship is take it or leave it; a partnership based on accepting each other as you are, connecting in ways best for all and avoiding interacting in ways that potentially create conflicts. Take it or leave it implies each person is a package deal. It acknowledges that no one is perfect and that by buying into a relationship with another person, the totality of who they are (their package) will hopefully always outweigh any aspects that at times could put us off.

Relationships based on give and take are like a business deal, they’re prone to disintegration over accounting issues. That is, “I did this for you and you haven’t done anything to help me lately.”

Relationships generally begin as take it or leave it. When they stop working, it’s time to either say goodbye or try to keep it together by negotiating a favorable resolution to whatever conflicts have arisen, a give and take process. Sweet goodbyes are an express train which otherwise is a local that eventually finds itself at the same destination.

That said, love conquers all. In a love relationship, all is perfect; including each other’s shit.

(1) The fact is that she wasn’t particularly good in bed either but was entertaining enough to continue with and it’s not my nature to complain.