11 May Adam And Eve, Revisited

The Biblical story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden is a revealing tale of male/female dynamics.

As the story goes, God created Adam and Eve and placed them in the Garden of Eden as caretakers. For sustenance, they were allowed to eat anything they desired but the fruits of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and the Tree of Life. In the Garden, all was good for Adam and Eve as they lived naked and carefree.

One day, Eve encountered a serpent in the Garden. The serpent is described as the most cunning of beasts, apparently it had legs and could talk. Soon after striking up a conversation with Eve, the serpent convinces her to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil so that she like God would know good and evil. After eating the fruit, Eve convinces Adam to eat it as well.

With this new-found knowledge, Adam and Eve came to know the good and evil of sexual intimacy; it felt good but was evil as it represented disobeying God’s rules, like the rules a parent imposes on its child.

Presumably, Eve was a virgin and as such their genitals became blood-stained after sexual intercourse. Realizing their bloody genitals would reveal to God that they had disobeyed God’s prohibition, they covered their nakedness with fig leaves. However, seeing their genitals covered, God realized they were trying to hide the bloody evidence of their misdeeds.

For their misdeeds, God punished the snake, Eve and Adam. God took away the snake’s legs so it must forever grovel on the ground. God punishes Eve by declaring that the seed of the snake and the seed of Eve will forever hate each other. Moreover, God (apparently believing Adam that Eve instigated breaking God’s rules in order to presumably satisfy her sexual desires) decreed that Eve will suffer the pains of childbirth, a consequence of sexual intimacy. God punishes Adam by banishing him from the Garden, where fruits for his sustenance were freely available. Instead, Adam is made to toil the Earth to sustain himself and to support Eve in exchange for sexual pleasures. Essentially, Adam and Eve were thrown out of their parent’s house to fend for themselves.

As the snake had legs and was able to talk, the snake must have been Adam’s penis, hanging between his legs and talking through Adam who cunningly acted as a ventriloquist. (That the snake, as above, bore a seed through sperm corroborates that the snake is indeed Adam’s penis.) Moreover, God (apparently thinking that maybe Adam was the instigator) punishes Adam’s penis, forever vanquished to grovel on the ground like men groveling for women’s sexual favors.

Thus, it was Adam who tricked Eve into eating the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, to convince her that sex was a natural act in which they should engage. Moreover, as the seed of the snake and the seed of the woman were decreed to forever hate each other, women and men’s sexual relationships would forever be contentious, based on give-and-take.

The story of Adam and Eve, written by men, blames a woman as the root of man’s woes, portraying her as a temptress that ultimately lured man to commit misdeeds. Adam’s male progeny have been doing like Adam ever since. While it’s unlikely we’ll be readmitted to the Garden, perhaps we can get a little closer to it if men take responsibility for their actions.